Zackaroni in Boredom
by The Queen Of Mischief
Summary: Zack is immensely bored on a boring day at the Jeffersonian. Everyone is doing something except him. So he decides to educate himself on popular media. And what better place than the security room? Lots of humour, no pairing in particular. ZackPOV. R&R!


**Chapter 1**

On an unusually boring day at the Jeffersonian…

Nobody had anything to do. Well, almost nobody. Hodgins and Angela were passionately making out… if that counted as doing something. Oh, no, wait, they were going to the supply closet. Okay, they were officially doing something. Something that they did not want anyone else to know about. Hmmm. What could it be? He thought with all innocence.

Zack watched them, bored, elbow propped on the table. He rested his cheek on his palm and stared as they staggered over to the door, making out, while blindly flailing for the doorknob. Did they have absolutely no sense of discretion? He thought. Then he reasoned that it was probably just human instinct.

Cam sat in Angela's newly vacated chair, dozing quietly. Well, not really. She appeared to be conversing with a strange person called Pierce Brosnan.

The dialogue was getting more and more curious. (He had heard a phrase about it from somewhere and it was apparently famous. It went something like: curiouser and curiouser.)

Apparently she was having a dream that involved sea chimps, astronauts and, for some strange, strange reason beyond any human comprehension, Kryptonite.

Who was that Pierce Brosnan fellow? Zack had never heard of him.

He turned his head back towards the supply closet from which cries of apparent ecstasy were being made. He wondered casually what they were doing in there.

Dr. Brennan sat in her office, playing a completely senseless game on her computer called "Poke the Bunny". It was somewhat self-explanatory, a game in which you have to repeatedly click on a bunny (so as to poke it) until it got irritated and bit you. The aim is to avoid it biting you. Dr. Brennan was trying to figure out the science and logic behind it.

He wondered why anyone would want to play such a cruel and sadistic game.

Where was Booth? He thought. Things were never this boring when he was around! Cam would never allow herself to doze and talk to Pierce Brosnan, whoever he was! She wouldn't even doze. And even if she did, she would be mumbling Booth's name.

Dr. Brennan would never subject herself to a game in which you have to repeatedly prod and abuse a poor Sylvilagus Transitionalis **(A/N the scientific name for 'bunny'!)** to the breaking point if Booth was here.

Angela and Hodgins would never go into a closet to do sneaky things if Booth was—well, no, actually they would… no matter.

What could he do? He, Zack Addy, how could he fit in, in here, and do something of equal fruitlessness and lack of intellectual stimulating-ness? Sudoku? No, he had finished all the Sudoku books in all the bookstores you could think of.

How about…television! It was brilliant! He could educate himself on the wonders of television and learn about all the quotes and things people talked about from movies! Like 'May the force be with you'! Who said that? He had gathered that it was some male extraterrestrial known as 'Yoga'. Well, more or less. But where was it from? Where and when did Mr. Yoga say that?

He had always thought that yoga was a meditative practice. It just went to show how little he knew about the media world.

And he had always wondered which came first, and which was a sequel to which: Star Wars, or Star Trek (they must be sequels right? They both have the word 'Star' in them and, according to what he had heard, are similarly themed) it was almost as puzzling as the 'which came first: chicken or egg' question.

Although he knew it was egg. Of course it was egg. It was not possible for the closest ancestor of the chicken to have just gone 'pop' one day and turned into the animal that we know today as the chicken, right?

He would elaborate further and make his stand for the egg, but he had to find a television in the Jeffersonian and a _lot _of DVDs.

--

So Zack found an unoccupied room known as the security room, filled with televisions that were only monitoring areas of the Jeffersonian that were completely empty. He decided to disable a few of the video cameras and put in some of the DVDs he had found in a stash after having pestered some of the other doctors in the Jeffersonian. He put in the first movie, a James Bond film, apparently.

---

Around 8 hours later…

Zack stared at the screen, eyes glazed over; having watched a James Bond (hated it), Juno (somewhat depressing and somewhat explicit), Star Wars and Star Trek (completely clichéd and stereotypical) and Brokeback Mountain (he only watched this as he had once heard Angela saying "pulled a Brokeback" and he wanted to know what it meant) he fast forwarded through most of Brokeback, which was how he managed to cram it all in eight hours.

Just then, the door flew open and there stood Dr. Brennan, Booth, Angela, Hodgins and Cam, wild-eyed and panicky. "What are you doing, Zack!?" cried Cam.

"I decided it was time I educated myself on the popularized culture of television." He replied calmly, even though he was somewhat taken aback.

"We thought you had been kidnapped, or died or something!" exclaimed Angela.

"I told you he was fine." Muttered Booth.

"I have to agree with Booth," said Dr. Brennan calmly. "Zack was merely claiming some time for himself during which he can behave and respond to external stimuli naturally."

"He's not some science experiment, Brennan!" then Angela smiled. "What did you watch?" she sounded curious.

"James Bond, Juno, Star Wars, Star Trek and Brokeback Mountain." Hodgins sniggered.

"I have to say, despite being so popular amongst people nowadays, they are remarkably clichéd, and of poor quality."

"They were the ones that started the cliché, idiot! Before Star Trek, there was no idea of Space Adventures!" Angela said.

"So Star _Trek_ came first!" he was enlightened.

They gave him a 'huh', look.

He did not feel much like elaborating.

A moment of silence passed.

"Have you eaten or gone to the bathroom in the past eight hours?" asked Booth uncertainly and even hesitantly.

Zack shook his head.

"But how did you… you know…"

"The human body can withstand more than you know,"

"You mean the human bladder," muttered Angela before going off into a fit of giggles, followed by Cam.

Zack was blank.

"Next time you want to educate yourself on something, Zack," said Angela, "just ask me, okay?"

Before he could protest that she and Hodgins appeared to be doing something private in the supply closet that he did not want to interrupt, she had walked away with Hodgins. Booth and Cam went next. Dr. Brennan stood there, smiling. "You know, we're not really that different, Zackaroni," He cringed at the name. "Come on, let's go. Oh, and next time you disappear to go do something strange, let me come too." he nodded, grinning.


End file.
